@gerryhallcomedy: A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I've been referring to the office as "ruthless" since then. People are pissed.
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@ErrenMichaels: Good grief, did you see that, Hans? A time traveller just appeared, shot Adolf and left again. I mean I know his paintings are shit but WTF
@smedlee: When I lose a follower, I like to pretend they were Taken, then I go to Europe and shoot absolutely everyone.
@GoodNaps: *in court* Your honor,this case must be thrown out "On what grounds?" *points to defendants nametag: ABookByItsCover* *Judges head explodes*
@david8hughes: [me as a cop] Me: Mrs Hill? Woman: yes Me: it's Ms Hill now Woman: huh Me: ur husbands dead Woman: h-how? Me [hand on her shoulder]: he died