@gerryhallcomedy: A girl named Ruth quit working at our office. I've been referring to the office as "ruthless" since then. People are pissed.
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@TheBoydP: Show me someone who says "once you try black you never go back" and I'll show you someone who's never had an overripe banana.
@XOperfectmessXO: Nothing screams passive agressive quite like letting your spouse sleep in, while also letting the kids play loudly outside the bedroom door
@DiamondLou69: It's amazing how fast the first 30 minutes of work just fly by when you show up a half hour late for work.
@jonnysun: LIFE HACK: give ur next child a normal name ME: are u still mad that ur mother and i named u Life Hack