@lwhit_the_boss: A girl told me how hard it is for her to gain weight. I said it's hard for me NOT to. We had a good laugh & then I punched her in the face.
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@gabemakesmusic: My 5 year plan is to get an amp for my bass. That fish sure does love his energy drinks
@DaddyJew: Relationship threats: teens: i'll cheat on you 20's: i'll go to the bar with my boys 30's: I'm gonna watch all of our shows without you
@juliussharpe: I used to see people alone at restaurants and feel bad for them. Now I'm with a screaming two year old wondering, "Who is that solo genius?"
@AristotlesNZ: Congrats on the wedding dude. A present? Na man, everyone brings a present. I brought a past. Remember your ex-fiance Jan? Jan! come say hi.