@OBiiieeee: a girl took a grilled cheese out of her purse and threw it across the street like a frisbee to me i never thought i'd be able to love again
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@YUCKYBOT: You know what they say? Once you go white, you'll rob the world of it's resources and murder indigenous peoples.
@sixfootcandy: You'd think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week.
@juicymorsel: My teen thought it'd be funny to unfriend me on Facebook. I laughed and laughed and changed the wi-fi password. Good times!
@LindaInDisguise: The difference between your husband and your Netflix account is, over time, your Netflix account learns what you like.