@PretendMaker: A girl's tinder bio said "I would die without food" uh okay me too
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@GrumpyComments: Stormtrooper 1: You ever think that maybe we're with the bad guys? Stormtrooper 2: Nah, lets just head back to the Death St... to the ship.
@Dani_Feld: Dear millionaires, If you don't have a bookcase that spins into a secret room then give your money to me because you're spending it wrong.
@vikkaroni: Just once I'd like to walk down the aisle, take my vows, say I do... Without being dragged out being told, "Ma'am, you're not the bride..."
@david8hughes: "Was he better than me?" "Joe, don't." "I have a right to know!" "No, he wasn't better than you." [god appears] "Mary, what the hell?"