@peachgrenade: A good friend is like a four leaf clover: sometimes you accidentally run them over with a lawnmower
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@ericsshadow: One time I fell off a 20ft ladder, then climbed right back up and jumped off a second time to show that ladder who's in charge.
@UnfilteredMama: My greatest accomplishment as a parent has been convincing my kids that Chuck E Cheese closes for “flu season.”
@FlyoverJoel: The woman selling sea shells by the sea shore must have had a strong personal brand to overcome such a poor business model.
@lisaxy424: [someone breaks into the house] Your dog: I will protect my family and our belongings My dog: OMG OMG NEW FRIENDS HI I LOVE YOU LETS PLAY