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@njlitigator: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the Judge.
@DanielRCarrillo: A barbed-wire tattoo on my arm keeps my arm horses from running away
@CheryeDavis: Even the worst hangover wears off by 5:00. Coincidence? I think not.
@david8hughes: [under heavy sniper fire]
Platoon leader: where's that sniper fire coming from?
Me [crying a fair bit]: a big gun with a telescope on it
@gerryhallcomedy: "I really wish I could squeeze that piano over and over" - guy who invented the accordion
@prodigis: *to commander*
Don't say anything too loud sir I suspect one of our men may be a plant
*conspicuous tree in admiral uniform starts to sweat*