@heatherlou_: A "good parenting" blog followed me. Should I let them know how long ago that ship sailed?
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@MondayPajamas: Sometimes you run into people who totally change your life for the better. Bartenders.. Those people are called bartenders
@LoverOfComics94: How to be a politician: 1. Tell people what you're going to do 2. Don't do it 3. Change the subject.
@realHamOnWry: What did I learn getting fired today? Never walk behind your boss, poke his bald spot and yell, "Hey, you've got a hole in your haircut".
@T_N_Crumpets: *Bruno Mars on the radio* Wife: Would you catch a grenade for me? Brain: Just say, YES! Me: Has the pin been pulled? Brain: Idiot!