@MikeCanRant: A good way to break up with a girl gently is to curtsy when youre meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
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@MiddleageM: My husband fell asleep while watching Memento...was shocked to find "remember to NOT trust your wife" written on his forehead with a Sharpie
@underchilde: We appreciate the 3 billion guys that signed up for our sex study, but unfortunately we only need five.
@brendohare: Hello. I'm the guy who sleepeats thousands of spiders every year and screws up the average for everyone. Sorry for scaring you.
@primawesome: This transition of power reminds me of when my grandma turned over Thanksgiving duties to my mom and the night ended with police showing up.