@MikeCanRant: A good way to break up with a girl gently is to curtsy when youre meeting her father instead of shaking his hand.
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@Fred_Delicious: [g/friends dad] "who in your opinion is the greatest football player of all time?" Me - [say a real name say a real name] "Football Man"
@chuckyhead3: Turns out the button on the elevator with the fireman's hat on it is not the button for a free fireman's hat.
@ArfMeasures: COP: So what happened? ME: He stole my watch & ran away down the road COP: Can you describe it? ME: It's like a big path that cars drive on
@Underchilde: If you’re going to insist I get you a wedding gift, then I’m going to insist you bail me out when I get caught shoplifting it.