@dumbbeezie: A good way to keep a secret from me is to leave it on my voicemail
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@dshack8: So then I said, "Spit on it first, then see if it'll fit." ...And that's why my wife no longer allows me to help our son with puzzles.
@moose_chocolate: Fox has cancelled American Idol. From Now on, if I want to listen to bad music, I'll have to listen to Pitbull just like everyone else.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [doctor presses play] [video of me having a hard time slowing down after exiting an airport moving sidewalk] couple: maybe a different donor