@weinerdog4life: A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds
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@truegritrumble: BOSS: I hate "yes men." ME: Yeah. Me too. BOSS: I like employees who speak their mind. ME: Yeah. They're the best. BOSS: You get me. ME: Yep
@5hael: This idiot from Apple reckons that the "Temperature, iPhone needs to cool down" warning message has nothing to do with all my hot selfies
@chuuew: [Séance] *knock, knock* ME: Wh-who's there? [ouija board spells out A-T-C-H] ME: atch who? [spells out B-L-E-S-S-Y-O-U] ME: Dammit, Grandpa!