@weinerdog4life: A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds
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@AaronFullerton: I didn't see San Andreas because I heard there's not a scene where a therapist tells the seismologist, "It's not your fault."
@ericsshadow: My son asked what it is like to be married, so I deleted all the music on his ipod except 1 song.
@bigmacher: I bought the wrong kind of compass. Now I'm lost in the middle of nowhere drawing perfect circles.