@weinerdog4life: A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds
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@boxergraphix: #Itssocoldthat..A streaker froze in mid-streak! The town council just stuck a plaque on him and pretended he was a Greek statue until spring
@Sickayduh: "Oooh look! Is that a comet?" - Well, actually the airport is real close by "Oh ok. Good idea. I'll call them and ask"
@david8hughes: [first day as detective] Me: looks like he was shot in the head Partner: any sign of forced entry? Me [pointing at bullet wound]: well yeah