@weinerdog4life: A good way to know if your girlfriend is a lizard is if she eats a bunch of crickets or small birds
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@KamaroPayne: Do you ever take a bunch of pills, forget that you took a bunch of pills, take a bunch more pills, and then die? I know. Me TOO.
@MelvinofYork: Me: Just so you know, I’m DTF right now. Wife: I don’t know what "DTF" means. Me: Take a guess. Wife: (pause) Definitely Too Fat?