@weinerdog4life: A good way to make friends is to crawl under the bathroom stall quickly before they can get away
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@lecalabara: For eggplant your guests will love, lightly brush with olive oil, toss in the air and blast that bad boy with your ankle piece.
@Tommytoughstuff: COP: [flashes his light into my car] ME: *struggles to roll down window* "Sorry this isn't my car."
@jonnysun: look. life is bad. evryones sad. we're all gona die. but i alredy bought this inflatable boumcy castle so r u gona take ur shoes off or wat