@weinerdog4life: A good way to make friends is to crawl under the bathroom stall quickly before they can get away
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@MasterOfFury: I'm not stalking you. I'm trying to help you find that sock that you dropped behind the door before you left for work Wednesday at 7:04.
@AnOrangeSNES: I ate the worst cake of my life today, but then again that must have been why it was free at the urinal.
@JasonLastname: Law enforcement's cracking down on texting while driving, but there's no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.