@KevinFarzad: A great way to de-stress is to get in a car & drive til ur in a new town & ur name is Geoff. Doesnt matter if ur a boy or girl, ur Geoff now
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@trevso_electric: My girlfriend steals all the blankets in her sleep and I wake up cold, next to an adorable linen burrito.
@ch000ch: Look at all of these beautiful horse "Horses" Horse is already plural "You're thinking of elk" *stares off* Holy mooses, you're right
@kcmoore51: Just heard a lady in Target scream "WE DON'T BUY THINGS JUST TO BUY THINGS" at her kids and now I kinda wish she'd have a talk with me also.
@WheelTod: Top prank: when your friend falls asleep, place his hand in a bowl of warm water so he wakes up with one regular hand & one wrinkly one.