@mattZillaaaa: A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story
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@HenpeckedHal: What's the biggest gaffe you've ever made? Mine was congratulating a coworker on a non-existant pregnancy. Turns out he'd just gotten really fat.
@erica_rosie: I used to wonder what it'd be like to read other people's minds. Then I got a Twitter account, and I'm over it.
@thejamietighe: In a car crash a dog would rescue you. However a cat would pour liquor over your face and testify against you in court.