@mattZillaaaa: A great way to get a cw to stop talking to you permanently is to start clipping your toenails in the middle of their story
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@truegritrumble: ME: What would you like to name your new cat? KID: Dog. ME: But it’s a cat. KID: That’s the cat’s problem.
@jessokfine: Bread pudding is not a dessert. it is just wet bread. do not fall for this scam. Resist.
@Thynebear: I am the all knowing oracle, you may ask me one question "How do you pronounce quinoa?" [it's just covered in sweat] um can u ask me another
@Brampersandon_: [2 friends fighting at Denny's] Chicken: *gritting teeth* I'll have the bacon Pig: *staring down the chicken* And I'll be having the EGGS!