@wife_housy: A great way to relive your childhood is to outgrow your clothes every few months.
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@causticbob: I was feeling very depressed the other week. I went to my psychiatrist and told him I was suicidal. He asked me to pay in advance.
@VestaTot: Help 9-1-1! I just found my husband! He's been drugged in his coffee and then stabbed with a pen knife but that didn't work and then shot!
@vultural: If you love someone, set them on fire. If they don't come back they aren't a phoenix and were completely useless to you anyway.