@wife_housy: A great way to relive your childhood is to outgrow your clothes every few months.
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@paralysing_word: If you think you're too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Be back after lunch! Boss: OK Me: *texts boss APRIL FOOLS LOL* *goes home, turns on baseball*
@MensHumor: I would like to thank Tetris for providing me w/ the skills to jam as many dishes as possible in my dishwasher.
@david8hughes: If you see a distressed woman in the street screaming that she can't find her baby, don't offer to help her make another one.