@theshamingofjay: A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment
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@michael_raphone: BOSS: I'm sorry mike, but you've been downsized ME: (75% of my original size, in a voice 125% higher pitched) ahh maaan
@FeelingMervis: Find someone who can make you happy, like a doctor or pharmacist....basically anyone who has access to mood-enhancing drugs.
@KeetPotato: wife: dont say anythin stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?