@theshamingofjay: A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment
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@EliTerry: WE'RE HERE. WE'RE QUEER. YOU'RE THE MAILMAN. I'M ED QUEER. THIS IS MY FAMILY. WE JUST MOVED IN. I'LL SIGN FOR THE PACKAGE. SORRY IM YELLING.
@Underchilde: Panic rooms are a great way to protect yourself during home invasions or like if you forget your wife’s birthday.
@Brampersandon_: WIFE: I got us this new candle ME: sweet. What flavor is it? W: don't you mean 'what scent is it?' ME (with a mouthful of candle wax): What?