@theshamingofjay: A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment
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@Try2StopME: My girlfriend started complaining about my lack of interest in her family. So I dated her sister..
@schumoo: Like Grandma used to say, if it seems too good to be true buy as much of that shit as you can. Grandma drank a lot. We miss her.
@PastorBate: Restaurants drastically overestimate how much I care about which wood they smoke my bacon over.