@CarpeAngela: A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere
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@Honda_954: Two cannibals are eating Dane Cook. One says to the other, "does this taste funny", the other replies "No".
@YesThatAmy: What did I do before Twitter? Well, there's my family and......OH MY GOD WHERE'S MY FAMILY?!?!
@joshgondelman: I refused to ask a guy with a Blackberry what time it was because he doesn't even know what year it is.