@CarpeAngela: A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere
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@donni: Surprise parties are great. Depress your friend by pretending to forget their birthday, then terrify them briefly
@eborg01: I'm at my most James Bond when I charge past the guards*, use my atomic laser**, and open the safe*** * 3 cats ** can opener *** catfood can
@AmandaDuberman: Any woman with three or more exes in her city could have told Obama how to avoid Putin in Normandy.
@tastefactory: Worst Betrayals in History: - Judas turning on Jesus - Brutus helping to murder Caesar - Verizon guy going to work for Sprint