@DjJazzyJeffro: A guy at the bar asked me to pass him the salt and pepper, so I punched him in the face and yelled, GET YOUR OWN DISTINGUISHED HAIR JERK!
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@fro_vo: [first date] Me: why isn't a boy ant called an uncle Date: why isn't a girl praying mantis called a praying womantis *we do it right there*
@AdamOfEarth: 12013 B.C.: You might run into cougars while out clubbing 2013 A.D.: You might run into cougars while out clubbing
@StarrsWar: No officer I didn't mean to run him over. Yes I saw him but I thought he was my ex, and clearly he is not my ex.
@KidBeatnix: If you want to play frisbee Buy a frozen pizza instead of a frisbee And when you get hungry from playing frisbee Eat your frisbee