@Ristolable: A guy I know just posted "I'm relaxing today, don't bother me" on Facebook, and let me tell you: I was going to bother him but now I'm not
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@daemonic3: Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming "But dad we're goldfish" Oh yeah, I forgot "Forgot what?"
@aparnapkin: Friendship: because I've said many dumb things & you acted like they were TED talks
@AndyAsAdjective: *gets woken up by a tap on my shoulder* "Daddy, how do you get yogurt out of the toaster when it's done toasting?"