@NoLuckWanted: A guy just offered to buy me a drink. I declined, but heard him say lesbo to his pal. I replied "Only for you, baby". Now he feels special.
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@veryann0yed: Reasons to hit the gym that aren’t patriarchal beauty standards: - outrun the cops - outlive ur enemies - more stamina for sex - actually sleep at night - get strong to fight racists - listen to music without ppl interrupting
@SteveSuckington: National product once got caught picking his nose and eating it thus forever being known as gross national product.
@ItsAndyRyan: Bae: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, I'm coming over. - Me and Bae having CB Radio sex
@andreeahluscu: All I'm saying is that if M&M's poured out of a person after you stabbed them, I'd probably lose my moral compass very quickly.