@NoLuckWanted: A guy just offered to buy me a drink. I declined, but heard him say lesbo to his pal. I replied "Only for you, baby". Now he feels special.
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@duplicitron: If you smoke while you're pregnant your baby comes out wearing a t-shirt and jeans looking cool as hell.
@eddie_ferrero: [FIRST DAY AS A NUDE MODEL] INSTRUCTOR: Sir, we need you to take off your socks. ME: (chuckles) Oh, sorry. INSTRUCTOR: (clears throat) All three of them.
@krisv_723: Him: I’m a champion bull rider, baby. I know how to handle the ride. Me: All I’m hearing is you last for 8 seconds.