@NoLuckWanted: A guy just offered to buy me a drink. I declined, but heard him say lesbo to his pal. I replied "Only for you, baby". Now he feels special.
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@bombsydoll: "I am not a human garbage disposal" *eats leftover mac n cheese anyway* *makes terrible grinding noise after accidentally swallowing fork*
@valentinebaby82: Answering all the 'how r u' DM's with 'I got my period' is going surprising well
@JustDontBugMe: [During an ultrasound scan] Doctor:The baby looks fine. Mom:See? that's your baby sister in there! 3:What??Mom, why did you eat the baby?