@GinAndJif: A guy just revved his engine and drove off really quick so I had to chase him for three miles to tell him I don't want to have sex with him.
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@d_duhwit: Enviromentalists:"How can we stop the rising oceans Me (understands displacement but not enviromentalism):"Pull all those big whales out.
@timdonakowski: My master plan is to forget sunglasses at every location in the world so wherever I am I’ll always have sunglasses.
@brian_bilston: Here is a poem for #NationalDrinkWineDay entitled "The Problem of Writing a Poem in the Shape of a Wine Glass".
@shkeeber: *camera pans to a pair of sneakers hanging over a power line* *Sean Connery takes a long drag of his cigarette* "It was a... shoeishide"