@BillPelicanBros: A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation for the Abandoned Children's Home...so I gave him my kids.
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@TheMichaelRock: Something you may have in your house right now could be killing your children. We'll tell you about it in 2 days. - Local News
@TheToddWilliams: [Morgan Freeman voice] Isolated from his group, this penguin will not survive [penguin voice] Hey dude, I can hear you.
@JaneBadall: If I was an alcoholic, I'd stash all my booze in the laundry basket because apparently I'm the only person in my house who knows it exists.