@jsam1126: A guy on the street just said "nice feet" to me can someone tell me seriously if that was a cat call?
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@MUMSIEesq: Give them a Cheesecake Factory gift card this holiday season so they know you "grocery store checkout line" love them
@iscoff: If two people on opposite sides of the world drop a piece of bread on the ground at the same time the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich
@XplodingUnicorn: My toddler stole bacon off my plate. We all had a good laugh. Then I made her move out.
@flashember: [Zoo, bird show] "Millions of years of evolution have made these ancient raptors into graceful sky gods." *bird headbutts window 50 times*