@jenstatsky: A guy who wears a ring is always a dealbreaker. If it's on his ring finger, he's married. If it's not, he's a guy who wears rings.
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@1evilidiot: Just heard the phrase naturally boneless chicken and that'll keep me awake tonight.
@1Happytwit: 6yo's can't go to jail so I have no idea why this one's refusing to drive me home from the pub.
@Playing_Dad: Me: We don't have any more Girl Scout cookies and now I'm sad. Wife: I get sad, too. Like when I think about being married to a 40yo baby
@goldengateblond: You may think a squirt of water in the face is the best way to reprimand cats but turns out it works pretty well on people too.