@SteveSuckington: Fun prank:
1. Steal your married friends phone
2. Change your name to 'Brandi from the club'
3. Call repeatedly at 3AM and hang up
@ch000ch: ME: my therapist told me to stop talking about people as if they weren't here
THERAPIST: [rubbing temples] i know
@Book_Krazy: [Airport security]
Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes
Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs.
Guard: Remove your shoes
@Darlainky: I hadn’t pledged allegiance to the flag in so long I forgot the words and I may have just drunkenly pledged to one nation, invisible, with librarian judges for all.
@mjkspeaks: God, grant me the serenity to accept this stolen property, the courage to sell it on eBay, and the wisdom to not get caught.
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