@jazmasta: Who called it confronting ur husband Stanley about flirty texts from a girl named Rebecca from a former soviet state and not Who'sbeckystan?

@ValeeGrrl: Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too

@hoops_Daddy: Kid 1 swallows coin= rush to ER Kid 2 swallows coin= wait til it passes Kid 3 swallows coin= deduct from allowance.

@TheMichaelRock: I just found my old Nokia phone from 2003. It still has 87% battery life left.

@Molly_Kats: What kind of emotional tailspin causes people to "like" Lysol on Facebook?