@Smug_Lemur: A hammock is really cool until you try to get out of it. I'm going to have to live here now. Goodnight.
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@Smethanie: A really effective car insurance ad would just show pics of Lindsay Lohan and Amanda Bynes and say: Because these girls have licenses.
@AlexRogaski: [Science Meeting, 1924] Why don't we tell the people that every snowflake is unique? It's not like they'll ever really check "Let's do it"
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm a really big cat person ME: *leans in really close* You don't look anything like a cat