@robdelaney: A hand grenade to a daycare? RT @McDonalds: #ShamrockShake is to spring as _____ is to _______.
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@LindseyEllison2: If I ever go to prison I will immediately go up to the biggest person and tickle them.
@mjkspeaks: [shopping] May I help you find something? “Where are the giants?“ What? “Your sign outside says there’s a giant sale.“
@LuvPug: I'm tired and want to sleep, but I can't stop imagining how the whole scenario of the first person to pee on a jellyfish sting went down