@dafloydsta: A hangover so good you crawl out of the bedroom naked and sleep for 6 more hours on the kitchen floor.
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@michael_J_m00n: Cops said my blood alcohol level was above the legal limit which is crazy because I don't even drink blood alcohol.
@KyleMcDowell86: [in car] Wife: Dont tell ur arm story Me: Im gonna stick to humorous stories 2nite babe *at party* AND THAT'S WHEN MY HUMOROUS BROKE IN HALF
@JermHimselfish: I don't understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.