@dafloydsta: A hangover so good you crawl out of the bedroom naked and sleep for 6 more hours on the kitchen floor.
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@MamaFizzles: Saw 2 of my kids hugging and then realized they were choking each other and was like, ok, that makes more sense.
@garrydavenport: *weigh myself* Hmmmm... *weigh myself on different scales and am two pounds lighter* Ah these are more accurate...
@lalastrailer: If I had a dollar for everyone I work with who's dumber than me, I'd have $11 cause I work for a small company.