@SCbchbum: A haunted house, but just with a bunch of mall kiosk guys chasing you with face cream
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@ibid78: "Sir your résumé says you can read minds." "Yup. And you're thinking 'Why would he put that on a résumé?'" "Oh. My. God. You're hired."
@daemonic3: The 1st rule of idiom club is loose lips sink ships. The 2nd rule is don't let the cat out of the bag. Last but not least, the 3rd rule.
@mattZillaaaa: This old lady in the grocery store was just giving me the weirdest looks and the worst piggy back ride of my life
@hoedeehoe: 1st date: (don't let her know how self centered you are) Me: what's your favorite thing that I've said so far tonight?