A hexagon is what Mario says when he frees himself from a curse
You Might Also Like
Maybe I’m not depressed. Maybe I just think moving trains need hugs too.
(it starts to rain)
worms: the revolution has begun.
Can’t. Being lazy.
Did you just pronounce “etc.” as “eg-sed-ra”, sir?
[resorting to cannibalism]
My GF: we’ve only been out here for 4 hours!!
Me: he would have wanted us to survive
I hide the fact that I can’t swim by eating every 15 minutes.
5’s excuse for not going to sleep last night was that he has the hiccups.
He didn’t hiccup.
He didn’t fake-hiccup.
He just stated that he “has the hiccups”.
I see WWIII is about to kick off again. I’d best cancel the milk and get the cat in.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 7
They go after the guy who has killed 1000s of turtles
The Ninja Turtles corner him
Mario jumps on them all
I always get new followers when I’m asleep proving that people like me better when I’m not talking
I love writing because it combines my two favorite hobbies: sitting and self-doubt.
I may not believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny or the Great Pumpkin, but these mid-life stabbing pains all over my body have me convinced there are ninjas everywhere.
No animal is more conniving and deceptive than Guinea Pigs, whom are neither pigs or from Guinea.
My son asked to read one of my scripts three weeks ago. Still hasn’t read it. I can’t believe I’m raising a studio executive.
why they call it sex on the beach and not wavy lays
To clean up or just move. This is the question.
ME: let me try a yo-yo trick
DOCTOR: *cutting my child’s umbilical cord* no
*drives motorized scooter into meeting I’m late for, around the conference table, and out the door*
Costume idea:
Dress up like milkshake, wait in the yard.
Googled woodworking. Broke my coffee table down and built a birdhouse. Desk is now a birdhouse too. Pretty much everything’s a birdhouse now
Just know, if I’ve asked you at least 6 times nicely and then sang it as a song, the next time it’s coming out as an unhinged shout.
The rain is starting to worry me. I’m afraid that because I have a beard that my friends will expect me to build an ark.
“…so when the plane crashed, we had to do the unthinkable to survive.”
“Eat human corpses?”
[flashback to eating quinoa]
“Y…yes.”
My summer body has been pending for about ten years
Inside the heads of four JCrew models.
I’ll be wearing a pink shirt today in solidarity with those of us who don’t separate our whites from our reds when doing the laundry.
CNN: We’re not sure but we’ll report it anyway.
me: time for sleep 🙂
my brain: IS IT THE “S” OR THE “C” THAT’S SILENT IN THE WORD “SCENT”???
it was the best of times (adding to cart) it was the worst of times (seeing the total plus shipping)