@PastorMark: A hipster guy is one who kept his grandpa's clothes but lost his grandpa's work ethic.
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@bees_wingz: No, no, I didn't need to talk to a customer service representative, thanks. I just wanted to hear some terrible music.
@DarthSteveus: Jehovah's witnesses don't celebrate Halloween...I guess they don't appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
@jtrulez: Oh LinkedIn, what juicy tidbits do you have for me today? *raises monocle* Stanley added a skill?! HAHA! That is most delightful! *sips tea*
@Bob_Janke: My cat sat up from a dead sleep and stared, frantic toward the empty basement laundry room so I guess I'll be buying a new house now.