@KelFocker: A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
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@trustmedaddy: My favorite part of going out is when I sneak out the club without saying bye to anyone to go home and sleep
@ShutUpThatsWho: COWORKER: how old is our boss? ME: cut him in half & count the rings CW: doesn't that only work on trees? ME: *over chainsaw noises* HE'S 38
@BuckyIsotope: GOOD COP: I’m going to read you your rights BAD COP: I’m going to beat a confession out of you CENTRIST COP: you both make some good points