@KelFocker: A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
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@ABurgerADay: [tsunami approaches] Me: At last I will feel oblivion's sweet embrace. Tsunami (inexplicably reversing): I have a boyfriend.
@sip_at_home_mom: I always hated videos of animals being shot with tranquilizer darts to trap and transport them. Now, I'm calculating the toddler dosage.