@KelFocker: A homeless guy asked me for 50 cents for a sandwich. I said, "First let me see the sandwich."
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@Marcmywords2: Dear XBOX Kinect If I wanted to use my whole body to play sports, I'd play sports.
@GlennyRodge: Whenever I left a door open, my mum would ask if I was born in a barn, which is odd because you'd think she'd remember something like that.
@KeetPotato: [my 1st day as crime scene investigator] detective: "how did this man drown?" me: "he could not breathe underwater"
@JohnASinclair: I'm gonna have a secret lair that consists of toilets and sinks. It'll be called "John Sinclair's john and sink lair"