@RealSamHarwood: A homeless man randomly asked me if I was from Minnesota yesterday, so I replied, "no, but once I stabbed a guy who grew up in Minneapolis"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thejodiest: I want an app that tells me when someone is thinking about me while having sex with someone else.
@earthfalcon33: PRANK TIME: tie your friend's shoelaces together and when he tries to walk throw a wolf at him
@DaddyJew: Boss: you're late Me: traffic Carol: he was in his car taking selfies again Me: goddammit Carol, I will cut you
@Home_Halfway: Accidentally used AXE shampoo to wash my cat the other day and now he's boxing strays and impregnated 17 dogs