@AudreyPorne: a horror film where the victim walks into her kitchen and everyone she's muted on twitter is standing there drinking coffee
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@SamSykesSwears: "If Bernie doesn't get the nom, I'm voting Trump." "Also, if McDonald's is out of chicken nuggets, I'm going to eat 20 scorpions."
@Probgoblin: The barista can't deal with the man's 'Don't talk to me until I've had my coffee' shirt. Her mouth opens, then closes. The line grows.