@AudreyPorne: a horror film where the victim walks into her kitchen and everyone she's muted on twitter is standing there drinking coffee
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@thezwickers3: In order to get my teenagers attention I shut off the WiFi router and wait for them in the room it's in.
@wolfpupy: "i wouldnt be caught dead" someone throws a net over my dead corpse "gotcha!!" "noooo"
@Donna_McCoy: Ain't no sunshine when she's gone, but there sure are a lot of unauthorized charges on the credit card.
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: *applying a cast to a broken bone* Are you sure you don't just want me to cut it off?