@JasonLastname: A horror movie where the girl in the woods actually outruns the mutated chainsaw murderer, then it shows him sadly limping back to his car.
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@StephenBCramer: Nana's house is getting real bad, you can't swing a dead cat without hitting another dead cat.
@MyMomologue: The loudest sound on Earth is my child asking an inappropriate question about another customer at the grocery store.
@Ristolable: Me at 20: I'm smarter than everyone in the world Me at 28: I am so smart for going to the cheaper gas station
@TylerLinkin: Had a date with a lady I met on Christian Mingle. It was going fine until I told her I was Jewish & her half of the bill was $40 dollars.