@JasonLastname: A horror movie where the girl in the woods actually outruns the mutated chainsaw murderer, then it shows him sadly limping back to his car.
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Rock-a-bye-baby is my favorite nursery rhyme about the tragic consequences of putting babies in trees.
@soanim8ed: Why do prescription pills always say "by mouth?" Where else would people put th... Ooooooh.
@david8hughes: [first day as tour guide in New York] Me: that's the Statue of Liberty Guy: what is she clutching Me [awkward long pause]: all the liberty
@MoistPork: Have your tribal tattoo call my tramp stamp and let's make beautiful, douchey babies together.