@jwoodham: A horse-drawn carriage sounds really romantic until you realize horses can't even hold a pen and the carriage just looks like a scribble.
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@thebeavs: When God was handing out obstacles I thought he said popsicles and said I'll take one of each variety.
@sarcasticmommy4: I'm at my most financial consultant when I tell the McDonald's employee what my change back should be.
@TheHyyyype: [philosophy class] PROFESSOR: u must question everything [later] ME: *grabs lamp and shakes it* what have u been doing all day?!