@WoodyLuvsCoffee: A horse walks into a bar & the bartender says, "why the long face?" & the horse says, "why the English Lit degree?"
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@tastefactory: I smoked e-cigs for so long that I got e-cancer. I'm ok though, I just swallowed a Norton Antivirus cd and it cleared things up.
@WheelTod: [Date] Her: Any hobbies? Me: Monging mostly. Her: Huh? Me: I'm a monger Her: Huh? Me: Iron, fish, war... You name it -- I'll monger it
@LurkAtHomeMom: My husband just left town for a work trip. I didn't want him to miss out on anything so I made him a mixtape of the kids whining.
@JCautomatic: *4yo comes in from garden with worm* Wife: TAKE IT AWAY!!! *4yo puts on top hat as I throw him a cane and starts tap dancing*