@13spencer: A hot girl in the hallway just smiled at me, but don't worry; I yelled "I'm taken," and ran into the men's bathroom where she can't follow.
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@caliraingirl: Everyone should have that "tester" first twitter account to screw up and learn from... You know, kinda like that first child you have.
@WeissBrandon: I get it short people, I get it. Oooops sorry typo, I'll get it short people, I'll get it.
@dmroberts1000: Gf: why have you been googling 'can you milk a hamster' Me: *wipes milk from mouth* it was for a tweet