@Mikecanrant: A huge gorgeous butterfly landed on my arm just now. Naturally I screamed and flailed my arms around frantically, but lovely really.
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@AnkCoupleTO: PRO TIP: Using a Starbucks cup to ask for change makes me think I'm worse off than you
@UncleDuke1969: Jim: You have a Fantasy Football team? Me: Guys aren’t my thing. But, Tom Brady’s kinda cute. Jim: No, I- Me: Ooh! Cam Newton’s dreamy, too!
@Sassafrantz: A bride just said "today I'm marrying my best friend" it's like hey great choice, because marrying your mortal enemy seems risky & dangerous
@yerpalmildsauce: WARDEN: You have been sentenced to the Electric Cher ME: in the what now *a metallic voice sings out: ＤＯ ＹＯＵ ＢＥＬＩＥＶＥ ＩＮ ＬＩＦＥ ＡＦＴＥＲ ＬＯＶＥ*