@BlackCatBettie: A jealous woman...can make the FBI look like mall security.
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@Be___Dope: [text] Her: I picked up buffalo wings. Me: * moves furniture around * rolls out plastic sheeting
@DillDoes: Being a worm must great. Its like "wow that dirt was great I hope there's more" and there always is
@cathisamazing: I don’t want to be a millionaire, I just want enough money to be able to stare off into the distance while pumping gas.
@KevinFarzad: MATH Q: 5 friends wanna split a $50 dinner. But Josh wants a separate check bc his thing was $2 less. Really, Josh? This is y nobody likes u