@BlackCatBettie: A jealous woman...can make the FBI look like mall security.
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@internetluke: *as girl walks in* 98, 99, *grunts* 100 "Wow, push-ups?" Uhm, no? Just learning to count.
@paperphotoyo: Managed to scare off my prison pen pal. Crazy doesn't even begin to cover what's wrong with me.
@petemandik: If someone tells you they don't like some particular word, do not torment them with it. To do so is totally moist.
@hazelmotes1: *Watches sad movie* Wife: I like happy endings. Me: me too, but you have to tip more. Wife:... Me: twitter would have liked it.