@WheelTod: A key difference between keeping a cat & chimp as a pet, is a cat will eat your face off when you die. But chimps lack that kind of patience
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Freudianscript: *Maybe try dressing up as SpongeBob this Halloween, since you're so self absorbed.* -Me as a therapist
@Amusitr0n: Imagine the havoc if raccoons could fly. Rotund shadows grow larger over a pizza guy moments before he's swarmed by snarling, handsy demons.
@SteveDutzy: I don't mind when a waitress says, "Is Pepsi fine?" when I ask for some coke. But when my drug dealer says it, it's kind of annoying
@1Happytwit: HR said I'm not allowed to try to hang co-workers with an extension cord. Dunno what I'm supposed to use though, they wouldn't tell me.