@rachelle_mandik: a kid i met insisted she visited the "vampire state building" and i couldn't bring myself to correct her
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@PascalSloths: Petting my dog with a spatula cause I'm too lazy to reach and he is too lazy to move closer Why is there a spatula in my room?
@Mouthy_: Three people I never mess with:n1- PMSing women.n2- Truck drivers.n3- PMSing truck drivers.
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: *puts six steaks on the grill* Wife: Don't you think that's too much? It's just us and the kids. Me: Wait, you guys are eating, too?