@rachelle_mandik: a kid i met insisted she visited the "vampire state building" and i couldn't bring myself to correct her
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@KKAlThani: Accidentally ran over my neighbor's cat today & I was scared to tell him to his face so I left a note saying "curiosity was here"
@kiel_phillips: ME: Dave's coming over for tea WIFE: Dave from work or Dave I'm having a secret affair with? DAVE: *from inside wardrobe* I don't eat peas
@Darlainky: Me: Forgive me father for I have sinned. I'm here to cleanse my conscience. Bartender: So...the usual?
@drinksmcgee: Someone just told me that they hate bacon... I can't even find words... It's like someone just murdered a rainbow.