@MarcusTheToken: A kiss begins with K. But it's also just a text from someone who doesn't want to have a conversation with you.
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@SqueakyFreckles: I drove home with a new bunny for my kids & all they did was moan. "Why hasn't it got a head?" "I don't want to scrape it off the wheel."
@thejoelstein: 4-yr-old son gave smartest answer ever to "How do you know if something is art?" "People tell you."
@AudreyPorne: If you drink 6 RedBulls in less than an hour, they're not allowed to arrest you for stealing a bus. Read the can if you don't believe me.
@moooooog35: I'm coaching my son's soccer team because it's important that he knows I'll swear at other kids, too.