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@abbycohenwl: A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
Excuse me, can I borrow your towel? This cinnamon roll is really sticky.
@WheelTod: My dad, a pilot rescued on French soil, behind a hidden wall panel with 8 Jewish children as the Nazis search, quietly opens a bag of chips
@VenusRockHobbit: If I ever noticed you waving frantically from inside a burning building I would totally wave back because I'm polite.
@nayele18maybe: My childhood was fairly normal and I still turned out like this.
@maybetomhanks: texts from ur dentist:
1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment
2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment!
3. I miss us lol
4. Ur just gna ignore me? lol. I've been in ur mouth