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@abbycohenwl: A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
@Reverend_Scott: wife: um, why is the zoo calling about a missing giraffe?
me measuring the ceiling: no idea.
@zacharyflynn: Wish the trash would take me out for once.
@ruslg1: I don't date Left handed chicks cause you know, Lefty loosey Righty tighty.
@Elifcello: Every so often I Google my name hoping someone stole my identity and made a better something out of myself.
@lotterydude: A baby is 75% water. So if I walked on babies I'd be 75% Jesus. #SolidLogic