@abbycohenwl: A kleptomaniac in a bakery really takes the cake
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DaddyJew: [getting dating advice from my dad] Just be yourself and don't do anything stupid "Well which one is it?"
@respected_loner: just found out today that monkeys don't lay eggs. so what have i been buying on craigslist. what have i been eating
@BCMontgo: What's the issue officer? Officer: You have no idea why I pulled you over? I have some ideas, but would like to hear your opinion first.
@FeelingEuphoric: ME: I have an appointment for 1:30 RECEPTIONIST: may I have your last name? ME: omg *tearing up* yes, I’ll marry you