@LuvPug: A lady asked me where my adopted son came from and I said if she doesn't know by now where babies come from it's not my place to tell her
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@QwertyJones3: If you're in your car, go ahead and pick your nose, because the car makes you invisible.
@david8hughes: Darth Vader: Luke, I am your father Luke: really? Darth Vader: yeah. Why? Luke: you have the voice of a heavyset black guy is all
@SimonNRicketts: BIDEN: I'mma punch him when he comes here. OBAMA: No, Joe. Don't do that. BIDEN: Punch him round the back. OBAMA: Joe. BIDEN: Kick, then.
@QwertyJones3: *aliens return to ship* ALIEN LEADER: Where are the humans? "We left them" AL: Why? "They didn't look anything like their selfies in rl"