@MartinPilgrim1: A lady got off the train so I finished her crossword. Turns out she'd just gone to the toilet and now she's back and she hates me.
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@Carbosly: I lost my voice. If whoever finds it could resume screaming at my ex-husband, that would be much appreciated.
@iAmJuddy: Wifey: We should get a chest freezer. Me: We don't need a freezer that big. Wifey: What if we need to hide bodies? Me: I love you.
@aka_fatman: Papa Bear: I wish he'd Mackle more. Mama Bear: I wish he'd Mackle less. Baby Bear: I tore the throat out of a girl who stole our porridge.
@MUMSIEesq: If my 3YO's fortune was "you will eat the paper inside the cookie and then cry about it for 2 hrs," this Chinese restaurant is VERY accurate