@ddsmidt: A lady posted her grandmother's brownie recipe, so I tried making them. Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook
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@MomOfTeen: "Feel the burn" yells my fitness instructor as I think that's probably how Satan greets people in Hell.
@dafloydsta: [first date] HER: I'm a really big cat person ME: *leans in really close* You don't look anything like a cat