@grantgirl2004: A large account followed me to thank me for a trophy through DM, then immediately unfollowed me. It must be exhausting to be Twitter elite.
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@AimeeHelene1: Girl: *blowing kisses to boyfriend across the room* Me: *runs in and swats kisses out of the air*
@Reverend_Scott: Son, it's ur 18th birthday, so I got u a brand new car... "OMG DAD. WOW-" ...dboard box. "But-" Pack up, ur moving out birthday boy.
@AdderallMomma: Folks are worried about global warming and social security, when the real crisis is that one day elderly drivers will know how to text.