@jimmytorosian: A lawyer walks into a bar. A lawyer leaves the bar. A lawyer walks into the bar. A lawyer fails the bar because he was drunk.
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@SCbchbum: "I'll have a caramel macchiato, hold the espresso & milk." "Miss, that's just a cup of caramel sauce." "You heard me."
@NicestHippo: [guy who named the bedroom gets home] Honey? Our son got in trouble at the learnroom. His teacher called while I was driving in my wheelsbox
@djdarrellripley: Her: In case you're interested, I'm dying. Me: Then I'll only set one place for dinner.
@OverlandParker: Every time I hear someone say "The Lord works in mysterious ways," I picture him performing miracles while doing the robot.