@jimmytorosian: A lawyer walks into a bar. A lawyer leaves the bar. A lawyer walks into the bar. A lawyer fails the bar because he was drunk.
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@iamjeffsloan: Breaking Bad is my favorite documentary about what it takes to be an entrepreneur while balancing family life.
@anerdonfire2: The worst thing about that mime stealing my woman was when he silently laughed at me
@pbear79: A woman with questionable hygiene, no teeth, and an eye patch asked me if I was looking for a date.. Long story short, picking her up at 7.
@zachv86: i saw this homeless guy talking to himself and i was like, "who is he talking to?" then i thought "who am I talking to?"