@jimmytorosian: A lawyer walks into a bar. A lawyer leaves the bar. A lawyer walks into the bar. A lawyer fails the bar because he was drunk.
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@maybetomhanks: texts from ur dentist: 1. Happy birthday! Make sure you sign up for your six month appointment 2. This is a reminder to schedule an appointment! 3. I miss us lol 4. Ur just gna ignore me? lol. I've been in ur mouth
@AndyAsAdjective: I got my first real 6-string Bought it at the 5 & dime Played it til my fingers bled Mom sued the guitar manufacturer & settled out of court
@danjan13: Empty out and clean a mace container. Fill with water Stare into the eyes of your enemies as you spray your own eyes and never blink
@Mindless4Miles: Please stop inventing new slang words so quickly. I’m having trouble not becoming my grandmother.