@crunchenhancer: A leaf blower, but for people.
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@FullMetalMommy: My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight. Frankly, I'd rather cut the Obgyn.
@bromanconsul: LA girls say they want to go on "adventures" but when I pitch the idea of overthrowing the yakuza they clarify that they meant, like, hiking
@Mike__Lee: I'm sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they've won the Canadian lottery.
@Elizasoul80: Me: "I came to Twitter to be creative and express myself." Twitter: lol, you said "came".