@crunchenhancer: A leaf blower, but for people.
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@ericsshadow: If you stand next to a fatter person you look better. That's why I work at Burger King.
@Home_Halfway: FRIEND: Don is flying in tomorrow ME: My cousin Don or Amazing Hearing Don? [I get a text] Amazing Hearing Don
@gabeserra: My 3 yr old's idea of comedic timing is waiting till we're at least 10 minutes away from house to tell me he's not wearing any shoes.
@JesseWeller: Oh, hey guys how were the bars tonight? That's cool. In case you were wondering all of the Harry Potter movies are still really good.