@juliussharpe: A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
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@sammyrhodes: My 3yr old pooped her big girl panties at church today and I forgot the wipes, in case you were feeling bad about being single today.
@hazelmotes1: Today I learned that pouring water on someone who is sleeping under an electric blanket won't electrocute them. It will only make them angry
@trevso_electric: Gum commercials exaggerate your odds of kissing a complete stranger in public by 780,000,000%