@juliussharpe: A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@chewlongkok_: Me: C'mon, baby. Just the tip? Her: No! Me: Awww, cmon! Her: No, you're paying the whole bill this time.
@PeachesMcPeach: I'm at my sexiest when I'm at a stoplight and a teenage boy is checking me out then suddenly realizes his horrific mistake.
@filthyson: How to make-out - 1. Hold her close 2. Kiss passionately 3. Don't mention the budget deficit or your father
@mikeleffingwell: "And... uh... chocolate kills dogs." - God puts the finishing touches on life on earth.